The Black Wall: River to the Wasteland

CHAPTER ONE - 1990

I once asked a blind friend if being blind meant he saw nothing but black. He told me that it was more like trying to see with your elbow. It was not black; it was just nothing. That was what I felt like now. I could see nothing. I felt nothing. I heard nothing.

I could not remember what I had just been doing. I could barely remember who I was. I was in a kind of limbo. From far away I began to hear something—a voice? Yes! A woman's voice; unfamiliar, soft. She said, "David, you are very close to an important crossroad. It is THE crossroad of your life. You are slipping through time. It is your soul sailing, and right now you are the skipper." I thought, Wow, that's bullshit. Then there was silence.

I struggled and opened my eyes, but I could only look into a dream world. I saw blackness. Did I really see blackness? I attempted to bring some focus to my mind. I was lying down. I saw more clearly now, a monolithic black wall. It surrounded me. I lifted my head. Yes, it was an endlessly high, black brick wall. Where was I lying? I could hear little splashes. I must be in a boat, I thought. I turned my head and saw the end of a pole lift out of a river. Drips of water from the pole echoed off the bricks in this black dungeon canal. Slowly, I turned my head again and saw a dark figure poling the boat. I closed my eyes to escape this dream, and I felt myself slipping away into my own past. I felt myself gasping for breath. I heard another voice: "Take it easy. You've had a rough deal, man. Just rest and you'll be okay." I tried to open my eyes again but couldn't. I felt as if images from a movie were being broadcasted inside my skull in fast forward and then in reverse; I could only catch glimpses of them. Sometimes I would be reliving things I remembered; sometimes I would be facing that black wall and the weird dark guy poling the boat.

Was I dreaming or was I living my life all over again? Was I losing my mind? I had to figure this out. As I tried to focus, my mind recreated things that had happened to me before. That was comfortable; it really seemed like I was living. One thing I was certain of: The gondola in the black canal wasn't anything good. I would do my best to keep away from that river to nowhere and the suffocating black wall...